When transmascs share their experiences of male passing privilege, sometimes it comes with an apology. Their words come from a reasoned and thoughtful place – from a realisation they’re given more authority, consideration or respect than women.
But while that can all be true, these statements can also maintain the equally sexist myth that being a man is synonymous with subjugating women.
There are limited studies on how transmasculine people experience the harms of sexist and patriarchal views, but speak to any transmasc person, and they’ll be able to tell you how common those harms are. Anxiety or trauma from these experiences may be why some transmascs believe they can’t transition without becoming an oppressor.
Awareness of transmasculinity is still developing, which means we have an early opportunity to get ahead of a problem, and look at how the patriarchy also negatively impacts this community and its many intersections.
When discourse centres on conventional, privileged manhood, it erases the full diversity of lived experiences, whether Trans+ or cisgender.
Many transmasculine people live without either access to, or desire for, aspects of transition that can contribute to being perceived as male. Misogyny is often quick to return, or remains present if they’re non-binary, if their identity is disclosed, or if they’re outed or visibly Trans+.
Transmasculine people of colour won’t always experience, internalise or benefit from patriarchal views in the same ways as white transmascs. In particular, Black transmascs can’t gain privilege on the same trajectory, as they’re typically excluded from misogyny’s framing of women – especially white women – as vulnerable and non-threatening.
Ultimately gender essentialist binaries harm us all, whether we’re transmasc, straight, queer or even a cis man.
The immediate instinct to self-shame will usually be less effective than effortful positive messaging, and offering thoughtful encouragement – demonstrably the most reliable tool for inspiring a positive action or reaction.
The urge transmasc people have to apologise for privilege does, however, show an acknowledgement that already resists a system failing everyone.
Acting from consideration of how inequalities can simultaneously benefit and harm an individual is part of the work of building more aware and accepting societies for marginalised people.
Committing to responsible self-compassion then allows us to live by the true example feminism sets for us: everyone has a right to be accepted, empowered, and unapologetically authentic.
Apologise if you must, but better still, remind yourself and everyone around you that patriarchy sucks for all of us. It just shows up in different ways depending on who we are.
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