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Coming out as trans/non-binary to my child has made me an excellent parent
Queer Gaze Transgender Non-binary

Coming out as trans/non-binary to my child has made me an excellent parent

Marley Conte
Marley Conte
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 SHE/HER Queer autistic trans woman  Kestral Gaian Writer, performer, general nerd, cat mum

Since coming out as Trans/Non-Binary, I often get asked: "What about your kid?" and "Has it changed your parenting?"

It bothered me when people asked me personal questions about being a trans/non-binary parent - especially when so many doubted we could be great parents. They assumed that being Trans/Non-Binary somehow has a negative effect on how we bring our kids up.

But we’re parents just like any other. So I now use it as an opportunity to explain how coming out has made me a better parent.

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Coming out has allowed my spouse and I to grow in how we parent our child. Now we have more diverse and inclusive conversations.

We have created an open, inclusive, and safe house by not shying away from talking about my gender transition and our sexualities. Showing my kid that I’m happy and thriving instead of caring about what others think - well, there is no better parenting than that.

We answer all of our kiddo’s questions truthfully and honestly. It’s so we can validate her feelings and ensure she knows she is part of this journey. That her opinions matter.

Filling our house with inclusive books, TV programs, and conversations is enabling her to grow up as a fierce ally. She knows her privilege can be put to good use to advocate for others, just as others have done for her parents.

There are a lot of guides and resources for parents with kids who come out, like those produced by Mermaids and Shoutout. But there were so few for parents who have to come out to their children, like me.

It’s why, along with trans/non-binary parents like Freddy McConnell and Aubrey (neuroqueerparent), we've been creating the resources we wish we’d had.

They cover topics from how to talk to kids about pronouns and gender, to how to avoid gender stereotypes when raising kids, to how to come out to your kids as Trans/Non-Binary.

Our child lives in an environment where she knows we love her unconditionally, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. She knows she is loved for who she is - instead of who the world expects her to be.

If one day she finds herself to be queer, she knows she will not have to come out and fear rejection. She will have our unquestioning love.

Yes, coming out as Trans/Non-Binary has changed me as a parent: it's made me an excellent one.

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 | First commissioned Jun 2022 as part of our mission to fund queer media careers Queer AF @thenonbinaryparent @HeyLauraBlake Contact Laura, and commision her too  Marley is a writer with a passion for travel, Diversity, Equity, Justice and Inclusion and Trans rights. Creator behind the @thenonbinaryparent sharing their journey and resources as a trans/non-binary parent.    They/Them Trans/Non-Binary, Bisexual, Greysexual  Marley Conte LGBTQ+ and Travel Writer, Speaker and Content Creator

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