Since coming out as Trans/Non-Binary, I often get asked: "What about your kid?" and "Has it changed your parenting?"
It bothered me when people asked me personal questions about being a trans/non-binary parent - especially when so many doubted we could be great parents. They assumed that being Trans/Non-Binary somehow has a negative effect on how we bring our kids up.
But we’re parents just like any other. So I now use it as an opportunity to explain how coming out has made me a better parent.
Understand the LGBTQIA news
Coming out has allowed my spouse and I to grow in how we parent our child. Now we have more diverse and inclusive conversations.
We have created an open, inclusive, and safe house by not shying away from talking about my gender transition and our sexualities. Showing my kid that I’m happy and thriving instead of caring about what others think - well, there is no better parenting than that.
We answer all of our kiddo’s questions truthfully and honestly. It’s so we can validate her feelings and ensure she knows she is part of this journey. That her opinions matter.
Filling our house with inclusive books, TV programs, and conversations is enabling her to grow up as a fierce ally. She knows her privilege can be put to good use to advocate for others, just as others have done for her parents.
There are a lot of guides and resources for parents with kids who come out, like those produced by Mermaids and Shoutout. But there were so few for parents who have to come out to their children, like me.
It’s why, along with trans/non-binary parents like Freddy McConnell and Aubrey (neuroqueerparent), we've been creating the resources we wish we’d had.
They cover topics from how to talk to kids about pronouns and gender, to how to avoid gender stereotypes when raising kids, to how to come out to your kids as Trans/Non-Binary.
Our child lives in an environment where she knows we love her unconditionally, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. She knows she is loved for who she is - instead of who the world expects her to be.
If one day she finds herself to be queer, she knows she will not have to come out and fear rejection. She will have our unquestioning love.
Yes, coming out as Trans/Non-Binary has changed me as a parent: it's made me an excellent one.
Get the Queer Gaze in your inbox each week with our free weekly newsletter or pitch to write an edition for us now.
Support Queer Creatives
This article was just one part of our free weekly newsletter that helps you understand the queer headlines and stay on top of the latest LGBTQIA+ content - all while we support queer creatives.
It's written by Jamie Wareham, and a different queer creative each week. Hundreds of people trust us to give them everything they need to navigate the ever-changing queer world, every Saturday morning. 🏳️🌈
We are an independent platform launching the careers of emerging and LGBTQIA+ creatives driven by people, not advertisers.
The Queer Gaze is our landmark scheme commissioning, mentoring and running skill sessions with queer writers.
We rely on members like Leo Soph Welton who wanted more stories about queer parenting. Become a QueerAF member to directly commission queer creatives - and see your name here too.
We are QueerAF, and so are you.