Exclusive: 58 UK public libraries have parenting books encouraging ‘desistance’ and detransitioning

TL;DR: An anti-trans book that encourages ‘desistance’, the practice of ‘reverting back to a cisgender identity’, is available in 58 public libraries in the UK, a QueerAF investigation has uncovered. The book encourages parents to put children in anti-affirmation medical and educational spaces, and to cut off loved ones who support their child's transition. Meanwhile, a UK government library has removed a book encouraging psychiatrists to work on the basis that Trans+ children are being “indoctrinated”, pending an investigation.

“I sat my son under a large maple tree in our backyard and told him that males cannot be female, and we would be going back to his birth name and pronouns. I said, ‘Honey, I know that this is something you feel you cannot live without. But you will be able to live without it. And you will actually be happier.”

This is a quote from a parenting book that is available in 58 public libraries in the UK, as a QueerAF investigation into the availability of books recommending Conversion Practices, detransition, and ‘desistance’ has uncovered.

When Kids Say They’re Trans: A Guide For Thoughtful Parents by Stella O’Malley is available in nearly every county in the UK, including London, Manchester, Bristol, Edinburgh and Swansea. In Newcastle’s public library, a well-meaning parent could come across this book by searching ‘Is my child trans?’ QueerAF has contacted Newcastle City Council for comment. 

Meanwhile, Lost in Trans Nation, a book that is targeted towards psychiatrists and asserts that Trans+ children are being ‘indoctrinated to believe [they’re] in the wrong body’, is held in the UK government’s Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA) library. A spokesperson for DEFRA told QueerAF that “Conversion practices are abuse - such acts have no place in society and must be stopped," and recommitted to bringing forward a ban.

As a result of the QueerAF investigation, we understand that the book has been removed from the DEFRA library, pending an investigation.  

Stella O’Malley’s book, co-authored by Sasha Ayad and Lisa Marchiano - all outspoken advocates of anti-affirmation approaches for trans children - advises parents of Trans+ children to help them ‘desist’ from exploring gender diversity. 

Stella O’Malley is the executive director and founder of Genspect, an anti-trans, gender critical organisation that is opposed to Trans+ people being included in the definition of conversion therapy. They are also linked to Bayswater, a group that encourages conversion practices for Trans+ children which the Health Secretary Wes Streeting has expressed sympathy for.

With O’Malley, Sasha Ayad hosts the Gender: A wider lens podcast that regularly spouts anti-trans rhetoric and misinformation. Lisa Marchiano has previously referred to Trans+ teens being a ‘psychic epidemic’ and is cited by anti-trans groups like 4thWaveNow and TransgenderTrend.

Their book advocates for parents to push ‘desistance’ by putting their children in anti-affirmation educational and medical environments. 

It recommends a number of role-play scenarios for parents to carry out with their children that present gender as unchangeable, as well as encouraging them to cut off loved ones who don’t support this ‘desistance’ approach. 

What is ‘desistance’? Where has this word even come from?

O’Malley, Ayad and Marchiano regularly cite the supposed phenomenon of ‘desistance’ in Trans+ youth. ‘Desistance’ refers to the process of children who previously identified as Trans+ reverting back to a cisgender identity after puberty. 

However, Dr Cal Horton from Oxford Brooke’s university tells QueerAF the term is based on flawed science.

According to Dr Horton, ‘desistance’ relies on studies that were actually done on gender non-conforming children, inflating figures of supposed ‘desistance’ in children who are questioning their gender identity. The vast majority of participants in these studies were not actually Trans+, but children who were suspected to be gay.

Horton set out how ‘desistance’ studies' primary goals were to prevent children being gay. This means this term, which sits in the same field as those who seek to ‘cure homosexuality’, has deep roots in conversion practices.  

When studies do focus on Trans+ youth, they show that most children who come out as Trans+ remain so into adolescence. 

Dr Cal Horton added: “For all of these children, love, respect, affirmation, support, is crucial. None of these children benefit from childhood rejection and conversive talk therapy, which causes lifelong harm.”

Desistance is also a term used in the UK criminal justice and probation systems to refer to the process of "abstaining from crime by those with a previous pattern of offending."

The suppression of gender and sexuality in any form is harmful 

Conversion therapy is defined by the UK government in a 2021 research paper as ‘any efforts to change, modify or suppress a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity regardless of whether it takes place in a healthcare, religious or other setting.’ 

That paper found that conversion practices, which in some cases can amount to torture, can also take the form of talking therapies, mimicking the processes used by recovery groups like Alcoholics Anonymous. 

In When Kids Say They’re Trans, ‘desistance’ is equated to interventions in addiction recovery, encouraging parents to find schools that would “be conducive” to a child’s supposed ‘desistance’, and suggesting that, sometimes, “circumstances line up” and parents can confront their child with detransition.

It also sets out in detail that they need to convince their children that sex and gender are the same and unchangeable, encouraging parents to ‘affirm’ to children that “biological sex cannot be changed” and to “avoid enabling your child’s self-destructive behaviour.”

Debbie Cannon, from Trans Without Abuse, told QueerAF that suppression of this kind can lead to great harm to children: 

“We know from both domestic‑abuse practice and mental‑health evidence that chronic invalidation and enforced self‑suppression are linked to depression, anxiety, shame, and long-term trauma responses. 

“For young people, whose sense of self is still developing, this can create deep confusion, internal conflict, and an increased risk of self‑harm.”

In testimony published by Stonewall, Trans+ survivors of conversion therapy spoke about how they find it difficult to feel “worthy of love” and about the flashbacks they still face from conversion practices “40 years later” 

Analysis: Encouraging parents to suppress gender identity can be more subtle than we think. But where does that leave us? 

Our investigation found, in most instances, this book is held in the parenting section of libraries, where well-meaning parents could stumble upon it and begin attempts to suppress their child’s identity without the context of the potential harms which the book does not set out. Even when it’s out of stock, most counties in the UK allow you to order the book to your local library. In most cases, if your county council manages one of these 58 libraries, anyone in your area can order it. 

What stands out about it is how nice it can make this process sound. This harmful guidance is couched in language about love, growth and acceptance, which shows how the suppression of gender identity can be more subtle than we perhaps imagine.

Debbie Cannon told QueerAF: “The misconception is that conversion therapy is something dramatic.” Instead, she said, methods used can be ‘gentle’ and based on emotional manipulation, wrapping up positive concepts of ‘concern’ and trusting your instincts as a parent in fear-mongering language about the supposed harms of transitioning. This is exactly the sort of language this book uses.

In past years, there has been much discussion around proposed bans on conversion therapy, with significant pushback from lobbying groups. Previous Conservative Party iterations of a proposed ban excluded Trans+ people from the equation. The Labour government stated in their manifesto that they would include Trans+ people in their bill banning conversion therapy, but no ban has happened yet.

A spokesperson for TransLucent, a Trans+ advocacy group, told us: “Conversion therapy does not work for either sexuality or gender identity, and anyone suggesting that there are alternatives is just plain wrong”.

What is unclear is how such a book would be legally treated if conversion therapy practices were banned. Would the book be considered promoting such practices under a ban? How could a ban safeguard parents from consuming this content and harming their children in the process? What would the 58 UK libraries that hold this book have to do to respond to the ban? 

In the meantime, this book contains harmful, unbalanced guidance for parents. It argues that sex and gender are the same and unchangeable, and doesn’t set out that attempts to suppress or ‘desist’ can lead to a lifetime of guilt, shame and trauma like that which so many LGBTQIA+ people face after being told to hide their identity. 

This resource is free to access for almost every parent in the UK, while the fifth prime minister, in seven years has yet to deliver on a ban on conversion practices.

The harm is proven, the promises on record. What’s missing, still, is the law.

We don't give up on a story easily

Stella Rogers has delivered an incredible feat of reporting for our newsletter, where it was first published. This story took months to compile and countless hours to manually check library systems across the UK.

We limited our search to a small selection of books that focus on conversion practices, desistance, and advice to parents encouraging detransition. We were pleased to see that the books which we considered the most forthright in calling for conversion practices were not available.

Still, this story illustrates how many resources are required for an investigation of this kind. That's why we need your support in our crowdfunder.

High-quality, press-regulated journalism does not come cheap. Most editors would have baulked at the idea of this story, based on the time it would take alone.

Thanks to Stella Rogers’ hard work, we now know the truth. Critically, she is a journalism student who will now leave university with a stunning portfolio piece–as well as the mentoring, learnings and support we were able to give her while doing this story.

That's what we're about at QueerAF. Critical journalism, delivered while developing queer creative careers to help them get jobs in the media.

If we can change the newsroom, we can change the country.